


thoughts of you at night (cherry blossom petal storm)

by petalstorm (orphan_account)



Category: Free!
Genre: Flashbacks, M/M, WOW THIS IS ULTRA GROSS, early bday fic for haruka nanase, lots of meta in between, well nomen est omen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 12:33:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4221909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/petalstorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are some days where Haruka is able to tell whether he will have a good night’s sleep or not. And today, he knows that he won’t sleep at all; he won’t sleep but he’ll be dreaming, dreaming of the boy that came to him like a cherry blossom petal storm. Of the boy that colors his life in ways Haruka would have never seen otherwise. And has done so for as long as Haruka can remember.<br/><i>I’ll show you a sight you’ve never seen before.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	thoughts of you at night (cherry blossom petal storm)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this: http://casfallen.tumblr.com/post/119866265428/2-34-am-i-watch-the-rise-and-fall-of-your-chest

**_11:36pm._ **

There are some days where Haruka is able to tell whether he will have a good night’s sleep or not. And today, he knows that he won’t sleep at all; he won’t sleep but he’ll be dreaming, dreaming of the boy that came to him like a cherry blossom petal storm. Of the boy that colors his life in ways Haruka would have never seen otherwise. And has done so for as long as Haruka can remember.

_I’ll show you a sight you’ve never seen before._

**_12:45am._ **

Makoto paints in pastel colors; he is like a clover field, bringing steadiness and a pillow to fall on. But no matter what Haruka does, this steadiness exists. It’s not like he isn’t grateful of the steady, calm support of Makoto; it’s not like he doesn’t appreciate the sight of the welcoming shore when he’s delving in the sea. But he’s used to it. Haruka can tell which colors Makoto will show next, what he will do next. He can tell it all. They’re too close for surprises and changes. Their relationship doesn’t work this way. Yes, if he had to name their love, it’d be the love between brothers, or close cousins.

Nagisa paints in vibrant sunshine colors, just like the sunshine he is. Haruka is grateful of him; whenever they talk, whenever he sees Nagisa, a wave of gratitude washes over him. Nagisa is like the constant reminder to Haruka to be grateful of his friends, rays of sun amplifying, but not hurting Haruka’s eyes. Nagisa is a good friend of his indeed, and every day, he is glad that the blond exists. It’s the love between two friends, fond of each other and grateful that the other exists.

Rei… his colors are precise, sharp, and yet insecure. He tries his best, and for Haruka, that is already enough, but Rei has his sights set so highly that they almost seem impossible to reach. But… he also has the feeling the younger knows what he’s doing; the goals, the colors, the brushes, every single thing that lands and doesn’t land on the canvas are carefully calculated. Maybe that’s where it goes wrong? But who is Haruka to judge other people’s preferences and ways, really. All he can do is watch over him, make sure the other doesn’t fall down too hard. It’s a relationship between senpai and kouhai, where both of them can inspire each other.

Rin Matsuoka.

Cherry blossom petal storm. Almost blinding lights, a dangerous looking road that screams adventure in billboard signs, no calm moment, points of gravity Haruka is drawn to like the apple fell on Newton’s head. Flashing, fast red – warm and inviting and _attracting._ A red that threatens itself and those around him; a red that has gotten a shade so dark that Haruka almost couldn’t recognize it. Almost, because there’s no way Haruka could ever _not_ recognize this red. This storm, this light. He will never be able to, because his heart is painted in the same color, pumps the same color into his veins.

And once he starts listening to his heart beat, to the color inside his heart, there is no stopping him. There are no other thoughts that can enter Haruka’s mind.

Matsuoka Rin.

 

**_1:23am._ **

Haruka Nanase wouldn’t consider himself a sentimental person. He believes that life should best be appreciated in the moment it happens, in the present. That’s not to say he _doesn‘t_ think of the past; he does, like every other person, think of _had beens_ and _were_ , taking lessons from the past and apply them to present and future. But that never really made anyone sentimental. Sentimental is remembering _too_ much for one’s good; it’s when someone delves into the ocean of the past and forgets about the present. Being sentimental is when you don’t remember facts, but rather, the emotions, and solely the emotions.

He supposes he has to make a few exceptions, however.

The first exception: The memory of when the red he knows so well returned a few shades darker than before. Snapback, black jersey with yellow lines, grey shirt, necklace.

There’s no way, no _way,_ that Haruka could not just start getting hit by all of the emotions he can’t put into thoughts or words well; confusion whirling like a tiny typhoon, surprise washing like a wave over him, coupled with gratitude (Rin. Rin. Rin. Rin. Rin. Rin. Rin.) and most of all, worry. Worry that the red he knew (knows, will always know) so well was ten shades darker than when they had parted. The feeling was like a tight lock over every other emotion of Haruka, determined not to open up until there was a reason behind this maroon.

_You still hang out with these guys, Haru?_

The second exception: Haruka holding Rin’s wrist, and every fiber of his being burning, burning, _burning_ , and the maroon burning as well. A memory of fire.

_Swim for me._

_Don’t cry if you lose._

It has been a small explosion, a tiny supernova. A supernova consisting solely of flames, meant to break the ice between them. They had been burning; burning out of fear, anger, anxiety. Uncertainty had been a tight grip on both boys’ hearts; more on Rin’s than Haruka’s.

It all seems so distant, looking back.

 

The third exception – the memory of loss. The dark shade of red lighting up, and for all the wrong reasons. Haruka’s vision blurring. Things that had meant a lot to him crumbling like a sandcastle.

It has been the first time that he had seen the colors unsaturated, more of a grey tone than the green blue yellow the world is usually composed of. Grey was what had greeted him in the cold shower. Grey was what had greeted him on the way home, and had stuck with him for a time Haruka thinks is too long; far too long.

It has been the only time Rin’s words hadn’t been a fiery red, or soft pink, or anything in the red spectrum, but _grey._

_I’ll never swim with you again. Ever._

Haruka had realized, then, that Rin is a painter, and his canvas is Haruka’s life. His color choices? Vibrancy, saturation, brilliance.

(Rin has always been different that the rest.)

****

**_2:34am._ **

The last exception – the present. Every single second passing counts as past, and every single second, Haruka remembers that with Rin, he _can’t_ be feeling indifference. It’s not possible.

(He is a terrible liar, even to himself. He prefers to pretend truths don’t exist, but that isn’t lying.)

Haruka dares to look at Rin for the first time with his eyelids open. He watches the other’s chest rise and fall, the nose breathing in, the slightly open mouth breathing out.

Loving Rin is like loving life, Haruka thinks.

Loving Rin isn’t anything constant; sometimes, Haruka doesn’t know why they’ve been dating for this long. Sometimes, Haruka doesn’t know what to do with cherry blossom petal storm, and prefers to hide miles in the sea. And every single time he hides, the storm – no, _life -_ , life would find him again. Pick him up, somehow. Every single time, life pushes him, pulls him, twirls him around so Haruka feels dizzy.

At the same time, whenever he feels down, life reminds him there’s a reason worth trying again. Worth starting again. Worth fighting again. And again, again, again.

Loving Rin is like loving life, because in this instant, Haruka is shook with a wave of affection. Loving means to accept both flaws and merits of someone or something, and Haruka loves both Rin’s flaws and merits. Haruka loves Rin’s everything.

And he knows – Rin loves Haruka’s everything, as well.

**_3:10am._ **

As it would turn out, Haruka _really_ can’t sleep. It’s okay – there’s nothing on the agenda tomorrow, except training, maybe. Well, he can do that no matter how much (or not) he slept.

Right now, there’s Rin. Rin, who loves Haruka, so much.

_I’ll show you a sight you’ve never seen before!_

Rin paints Haruka’s life for him. And he always did so while choosing every step along the way. Haruka had thought that Rin had his life colored in every single available facet already. Rin, the petal storm, everything in his control. His life, his goals, his future and his past. That’s what Haruka had thought. Until he found out that Rin’s entire life was grey and maroon, just like Haruka’s world had been for a while; a time he considers too long.

The thing is this: Haruka has had his friends; he has had Makoto’s pastel colors and his stability, he has had Nagisa’s rays of sunshine that has made him realize that every rain will be over, he has had Rei’s reluctant steps to reassure Haruka that everything will be fine, that he is loved, that there’s something worth swimming for. Haruka has had more than one source to see colors, even when they aren’t and never will be as strong as Rin’s paint.

But Rin?

Rin hasn’t really had anything like friends as painters.

_It’s my turn to show you – a sight you’ve never seen before._

It was the _least_  he could have done – how was he supposed to repay a huge debt such as coloring one’s life?

_It was the best sight I could’ve asked for._

And now – Rin, does he see the colors in all of the brilliancy that Haruka does? They’ve come so far. They will still go a long way. Together, choosing every step along the way as individual persons, and yet together and connected. And hopefully, forever as well.

Haruka smiles at 3am while no one is looking. Rin is really too much.

 

**_4:10am._ **

Haruka almost expects Rin to wake up. To wake up and to say, _hey, Haru, try to sleep already_. But Rin’s not a light sleeper, and he hasn’t woken up yet. He still looks so calm, so much more serene than usual.

It reminds Haruka of the first heaven they have shared – the heaven after all of the troubles they have gone together. The haven after all of the typhoons they had to survive before.

That night.

_I’ve told you I always admired you, right? You might not remember it, but I still remember the day I first met you._

_There’s someone more amazing than me._

_That’s why it’s hard for me when you’re not always ahead of me, showing me what path I should take. Without you, I have nothing to aim for, you know?_

_During that race, didn’t you feel something, too?_

Of course he did, because there is no way that he could not feel _anything_ with Rin involved. And there’s no way he didn’t see a shining light, an epiphany.

It had been so obvious all along that Haruka wanted to go pro – he just hadn’t been sure. And Rin had just eased the way for him, like he always has.

Life has picked him up where he fell. Calmly, patiently, and most importantly, with sincere, soft feelings.

Rin sleeps next to him, calmly breathing in and out. Rin. Cherry blossom petal storm. Swimmer on the outside, painter on the inside. Painting Haruka’s heart in a calm, beautiful red in a vibrancy no one else can ever do.

This room is their second haven. Their second heaven.

(Haruka is almost glad he didn’t sleep but dreamt; dreamt of their past, present and future.)

_I have found my dream, Rin._

He, the night, will always be grateful of the dawn rising. Just like the day, Rin, will forever be grateful of the night breaking in.

They’re opposites and yet they’re puzzle pieces that are meant to fit together.

And it’s only then that Haruka closes his eyes and delves into a dreamless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> An early birthday present to the most beautiful blue flower, Haruka Nanase! I'm so glad you found your dream and what you love. And I'm so happy that you have someone walking this road with you.
> 
> Just like rinharu will always be magical to me with all of their ways, so is the RH fam. I want to thank you guys so much - you are a blessing I'm grateful of every day. This is the least thing I can do to show my gratitude, really. Special shoutout to Lily for having one amazing tag for rh related quotes! This fic wouldnt have been written without her, really.
> 
> I hope you, dear reader, liked this! Kudos and comments are much appreciated.


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